Visual Memory loss?

I know. I know. You want to know what that means. Well. To make it simple. It means I can’t find my mother in a crowded room. If she is meeting me at the airport, I can’t find her. I can’t hold an image of anyone for more than a few seconds, not even my very best friends… so I have to use many different compensation skills to make it through each day. I also can't remember what my apartment looks like. I carry photos of it around with me, and look at them from time to time. I can't remember what the campsite I stayed at looks like, or the street I live on. My car hides from me all the time. I can't find nouns: People, places and things..

Yes. It gets tiring. Yes. It gets annoying.

But. Seriously. Many people have bigger problems than I have: I don't go to sleep at night hungry or scared, I don't worry about providing myself with food, shelter or clothing, I can walk...drive....hop....skip....jump at whim, I can call my mother and father whenever I want to and tell them I love them and hear the same in return, I have a community of the most wonderful friends who care about me as much as I care about them and tell me often how important I am to them, I have passion and purpose in my life... everything from travel to writing excites me, I have over twenty-five nieces and nephews whom I get to be 'Aunt Holly' to...one of very favorite things, and I get to see beauty in so many things around me each day since I don't take the things I see for granted.

Not having a visual memory makes me the Holly that I am. It doesn't slow me down; it makes me normal. This is me. This is how I work. I no longer measure myself by how well I compare to the world around me. I've learned to set my own standard: I am Holly-normal. Not having a visual memory is my normal. It is normal for me to not recognize my boyfriend in his house, and we laugh about it. It is normal for me to call out to my friend, Trayza, when she is standing right in front of me. And we laugh about it. It is normal for me to buy the same sweater in three different stores because I can't remember what it looks like. So, I've learned to take a friend shopping with me. It is normal for me to get lost while driving, so I leave extra time when I'm going somewhere new.

Sometimes when I get really lost, I cry. Other times I have to pull my car over and laugh and laugh. Other times I call the person I'm meeting and challenge them to find me at the wonderful little coffee shop I've just discovered.

This is my life. Sure. Peek inside. Here are some of my days. Some are tough days. Some are easy days. And. I remind myself that all days I have are part of my normal, as everything balances out to the me of me. And. Please, understand: my lack of visual memory makes me whole and perfect and complete. I am far from broken.

I am Holly-normal.

The following columns deal with the epilepsy and/or my visual memory issue. Feel free to browse….

COLUMNS ABOUT VISUAL MEMORY PROBLEMS:
10/10/03 #125 Breathe Easy. Don't Get Mad. (telling cool-guy about visual memory problems)
12/11/03 #143 The Arrival Meltdown (stranger standing at door)
4/25/04 #171 The Mangled Mingling Mistake (working on mingling skills)
6/6/04 #177 Call of the Wandering Boy (Who-dee-hoo)
9/26/04 #193 Loving With Forgetful Eyes (remembering him in the morning)
1/23/05 #208 Brown Eyes Can See (date trying to guess visual memory stuff)
1/30/05 #209 Antler Drama (date brings a prop)
2/20/05 #211 My Invisible Disability Peeks Out (in the classroom)
8/13/06 #224 Can't (Visual) See (Memory) Houses (Test) (brain-doc tests me)

COLUMNS ABOUT EPILEPSY
3/24/03 #5 Adopting My Family (telling betty, visiting Linda)
4/23/03 #35 No, Not Sleeping (medicine side effects)
5/10/03 #52 Super Slug Woman (pushing through side effects)
5/30/03 #64 That Look (learning about pharmacy)
6/7/03 #72 Swapping Stories (old woman gives advice)
7/3/03 #98 Losing Introductions (head butting in club)
7/4/03 #99 My jetBlue Headache (good company, bad policy)
7/11/03 #106 My Fountain of Epileptic Health (how I keep my smile)
9/18/03 #118 Seizure Dating (how to end a date fast, fast, fast)
10/5/03 #123 Peach-Girl's American Way (trying to stay seizure free at a rock concert)
2/14/04 #161 Recalibrating (epileptic shutdown)
4/17/04 #170 Seizure Entertainment (mouse sighting)