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Living the Life of Holly
By Holly Winter
© 2005
What’s Wrong with Her?

Pale. Dizzy. Hot. Really hot. Nauseous. Suddenly sweaty. “Um.” Now dizzier. “Is it hot in here?” I asked.

“A little.” Date nodded. “Maybe we should go?”

Darn it. I was spinning again. Dizzy. So dizzy. “Ok.” Keep the voice even. Don’t need to scare him. “Be right back.”

Stagger. Quickly, before I passed out. Where was the bathroom? Were they hiding it? Who designed this place? Found it down the hall. Slam went the door. Floor. I needed to lie down. Now. Get flat. Hurry. Flat. It makes the dizzies go away. Later I would wonder how clean it might have been on the floor of the woman’s bathroom in the Thai restaurant where we had dinner. But. For now…. I knew from past dizzies that horizontal helped.

The door flew open. Slam. Two steps. “Oh. Are you ok? Do you need something?”

“No.” I tried to open my eyes and smile. Dizzy. Sick. So sick. “Just need to rest a moment.”

Slam. Two steps. Mad whispering. “What’s wrong with her?”

“Don’t know. Don’t know her. She was laying here when I came in.”

Moments. I only needed a few more moments to lay here quietly. “I’m just resting.” Sick. So sick. Really dizzy.

Slam. Two steps. “Oh, God. Did you fall?”

I opened my sick eyes. “I’m fine, thanks.” I sat up. They weren’t going to let me lay here. I held the wall and managed to stand. I wobbled out and sank onto the floor outside the bathroom door. Sick. So damn sick. Was I going to pass out? This dinner date won’t know what to do. My ex-boyfriend knew I needed to lay down when this happened. He would guard me so people would let me rest. But Date wouldn’t know what to do.

He wandered over and laughed. “So. You must be a victim of yet another long women’s bathroom line.”

I smiled as I slumped against the wall. “Actually, I don’t feel well.”

He plopped down next to me. “Then. We’ll sit here as long as you like.”

Scared. I couldn’t ignore these episodes any longer. But. What doctor would be able to decipher them? It took them five years to figure out I was epileptic. Did it have to do with my epilepsy? It took two years for them to diagnosis my Celiac Disease. Was it a problem with my digestion? Would I spend years researching these strange occurrences?

Later Date suggested my spells might be related to a problem with my blood pressure. Me? Blood pressure. Unlikely.

I e-mailed an ex-ex-boyfriend-cardiologist a quick explanation. “…so you don’t think it would be at all related to my heart, do you?” I wrote.

He wrote back, suggesting he could run some tests.

Yeah. Well. I only agreed cause I was sure he wouldn’t find anything. He knew I only went to the doctor’s office if I were sure they couldn’t find anything wrong.

“Don’t worry about your test.” He e-mailed back.

Um. No. I wasn’t worried. Cause. I’m too young for heart problems. And. I could spend the next week lying to myself: I already had too many illnesses going on at once; there was no room in my body to add another one.

Wanna try another column? How about #217 Walking the Machine of Fate which is about taking a heart test that will decide my fate...

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Copyright © 2004 by Holly Winter
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