My students are counting
spiders. In my salad. Um. They're up to three. Three?
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Column # 194: Who
Wants to Eat a Probably? |
My students are counting
spiders. In my salad. Um. They're up to three. Three? |
|
| Living the Life of Holly
“No.” Tall-boy said, leaning in closer. “It’s a tarantula. I saw it move.” “Is not.” Red-hair said. “It’s a giant spider, but not a tarantula. I think there’s two in there.” I walked up quietly behind them. In another instance,
I might have cleared my voice and loudly reminded them they should be
getting their journals. But. Why on earth were they staring into my lunch? My heart sank. A spider? A giant spider? In my lunch? “Boys.” I said, softly. “What’s going on?” “Hey Ms. Winter.” Red-hair said. “That’s a cool terrarium you have on your desk.” “Yeah.” Smart-boy said. “Normally they have lights and stuff on the terrariums. You just have a lid on yours. I like it that way.” I was having trouble accepting the compliment. “You saw a spider in there?” “No.” Red-hair said. “There’s two. They crawled down to the bottom when we came over.” “DID NOT.” Tall-boy said. “The tarantula is the only animal in there.” “Huh Ms. Winter.” Smart-boy said. “You have three animals in there, don’t you? To trick us, right?” “What?” I asked weakly. “Three?” I waited to see what else might materialize out of my lunch. But squint as I might, all I could see were bits of chicken, broccoli, carrots and loads of lettuce. I leaned forward and tapped the side of the container with my finger. The boys jumped. Which made me jump. Which made them give little shouts. Which made me give a big shout. “I saw it move.” Red-hair said. Smart-boy put his nose up to the container so I could see little fog from his open mouth collecting on the side. “That’s the biggest tarantula I’ve ever seen.” Other students began crowding around my desk. Yeah. Me. The queen of classroom discipline had totally lost any semblance of controlling children. They were all crowded around my desk, pushing each other so they could get as close to the action as they could. Now. If this were a science class you might see the link to learning. But. This was an English class where I was supposed to be teaching reading and writing to students who had problems in those areas. Um. I wasn’t exactly doing my job right now, was I? I only cared about myself right now. I only cared about my lunch. I only cared about some huge spider eating my salad. How was I going to save my chicken? You know. So I could eat it myself? “How come you don’t have any water in there for the spider?” Someone asked. I don’t know who because I had decided not to take my eyes off my lunch. I wasn’t going to be the only person who missed the opportunity to see the creepy crawly. Because if I didn’t see it with my own eyes, I might imagine the spider was even creepier than it was. Or. Um. I might eat those eight legs later if I didn’t get a good look at them right now. Oh. No. Could a student have put the spider in there? Oh. Yuck. Oh. No. I mean. That happens to teachers. You know. Kids put stuff in their food to gross them out. Oh. Great. “Spiders can get water from the lettuce they eat.” Smart-boy said. “Right Ms. Winter?” “Don’t know.” I mumbled. I hadn’t seen any movement. It looked to me like my salad was a quiet little salad waiting patiently for me to eat it. If I didn’t know any better I would think there wasn’t a giant spider in there at all. But I knew how spiders like to hide in wait… “You put the spider in there so we would have something to write about in our journals, right Ms. Winter?” I looked up. “No. That I can promise you. I DIDN’T PUT A SPIDER IN THERE. I want you to write about your lives. What you did last night. Things you think about.” I surveyed my group of ten students to see if anyone looked particularly guilty or responsible. All I could see were ten kids who were incredible interested in my salad. Yeah. These are kids who teachers complain aren't interested enough in learning. Well. They looked pretty interested right now. “I saw it again.” Red-hair said. “He sure is ugly. That’s it. I’m never, ever looking away from my salad again. In a moment of heroic bravery, I picked up the container and after checking that the lid was on tight, I turned it upside down. I shook that salad back and forth, all the while checking for a dark creatures. Nothing. No spider. I turned to my class. “I don’t see a spider.” “You don’t?” They sounded doubtful. “No.” I shook it some more. To say my salad got a good tossing would be an understatement. “Well.” Smart-boy said. “Maybe those long green things in there just LOOK like spider legs.” Looked like spider legs? My students stood smiling up at me. Oh. Man. I had been duped. Tricked. The whole class had told spider stories so they could get out of their writing assignment. Oh. Man. These kids were good. Oh. Man. I had met my match. Oh. Man. Oh man. Oh man. I took a deep breath. “BY THE TIME I COUNT TO TEN YOU BETTER HAVE YOUR JOURNAL AND BE WRITING YOUR DATE.” I lowered my voice. “You better move. One. Two. Three.….” As the classroom turned into a frenzy of kids racing around to obey, I began pitying my predicament. Oh. Sure. I wouldn’t have to push the kids to find a writing topic today. Duping the teacher would be the topic of choice all week. But. What was I going to eat for lunch. I mean. How could I eat the salad? Oh. I know. There probably wasn’t a spider in there. But. I mean. Who wants to eat a probably? Wanna try another column? How about #195 Camping w/o a Car which is about backpacking in the Rocky Mountains. or Click here to go to Current Columns to pick another column. Or perhaps you would like to go to Column Finder by Subject to choose your next column about dating, or epilepsy or friends... you choose! Don't miss out! Sign up to receive a free copy of Holly's column via e-mail each week. (All e-mail addresses are private... NEVER, EVER shared.) Or send a blank e-mail to Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com Subject: Subscribe Me. Comment on this column in The Forum Or Send Holly your comments. Tell her what you really think! Your comments might be published on her website, or in her weekly Yahoo Group e-mail. Send Comments Wanna vote for your favorite column? Fan's favorite column picks will be added to the Fan's Favorite Five page. 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