These girls are asking some
tough questions. Who taught them to talk this way?
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Living the Life of Holly |
Column # 178 Just
Kid Talk, Right? |
These girls are asking some
tough questions. Who taught them to talk this way? |
|
| Living the Life of Holly
I laughed. “I don’t have any kids.” “Why’d you leave them home? This is a kid party too, you know.” I nodded towards the room where kids outnumbered adults two to one. We were at Cool-guy’s end of season soccer party for the families of his soccer team. Her insistence that it was a kid party was the understatement of the year since my boyfriend and I were the only single adults in attendance. I sat in a chair so I could talk to her without bending over. “Yes. I can see it’s a kid party. But I didn’t bring any kids because I’m not a mommy. I don’t have any children.” Her mouth fell open. “WHY NOT?” I laughed. “I’m only thirty-eight-years-old. Maybe I’ll have kids when I grow up.” She shook her head back and forth, slowly. “Who’s your husband?” Man. I’d clearly be a failure in the eyes of this child. “Actually… I don’t have a husband.” Her mouth fell open. “WHY NOT?” “Oh. You know. I’m too young.” I smiled. She reached out and touched my hand. “I’m so sorry.” Was she pitying me? I’m fortunate to be single. All of my married friends envy me. But she’s filled with apologies? “I’m here with my boyfriend.” I said, defensively. “He’s over there. In the green shirt.” She turned and looked at him closely. “I don’t know him.” I smiled. “His name is Cool-guy and he’s very nice. Why don’t you go over and introduce yourself?” “He’s not your husband?” She asked. “Nope.” I said, a little too happily. “He’s my boyfriend.” “Hmmm.” She put her hands on her hips and grabbed a five-year-old girl in a pink ball gown who was carrying a magic fairy wand to help with the introductions. The two little girls marched up to Cool-guy. “We need to ask you some questions.” Four said. “Sure.” He smiled. “Can I sit down?” After careful thought Five agreed that he could sit down. “But you should sit next to Holly. Because you love her, right?” “Yes.” He laughed. “I love her.” The girls stood in front of him. Examining him. Could this be the only single man they had ever met? “How many children do you have?” Five asked. “None.” He laughed. “Why not?” She demanded. “I’ve never had children. That’s why.” “Hmmmm.” Four said, putting her hands on her hips. “Well. Who’s your wife?” “I don’t have a wife.” He smiled, patiently. “I have a girlfriend.” He rubbed my jaw. “Isn’t she pretty?” The girls ignored his side step. “Why aren’t you married?” Four asked. “I haven’t picked a wife yet.” He laughed. Clearly that wasn’t a good thing to say to a four-year-old. She stomped her foot. “Why not?” “Because I like to do things alone like grow flowers in my garden. Would you like me to bring you some flowers?” Five cut in. “Why aren’t you married to Holly?” “Because.” He said, shifting around in his seat. “She’s my girlfriend. And I like having a girlfriend.” “Are you going to marry her?” Five demanded. “When did my seat become the hot seat?” He laughed. He turned to me, Ms. Oh-so-good-with-kids, for help. But I’d become preoccupied with the dirty, white ceiling tiles. “Maybe we will marry one day.” He said, weakly. Four stomped her foot, again. “Are you going to marry her or not?” A shiver ran down my spine. Imagine a world where four and five-year-olds rule the adults. We’d never make it. The shiver spread till it had gone all the way down my arms and legs. This was the first time the marriage talk had been pushed in our faces by under aged non-family members. Weren’t there laws against such brutality? Cool-guy leaned in to me. “Honey. They want to know if we’re ever going to get married.” I laughed to hide the tension that had crawled all the way up my body and was sitting in my neck. “Do you think we should?” I asked the girls. “Yes.” They cried out in unison. “When?” I asked. “Now.” Five insisted. I reminded myself that she had no real say in my life. “Right now.” Four agreed. I reminded myself that she’s not even five-years-old yet. “And you could have two baby girls.” Five added. The tension kept crawling up my body till it reached my face. Smiling was now a total impossibility. “Would you baby-sit?” Cool-guy asked. “If we had children?” “No.” Five laughed. “I won’t be old enough.” “Sure you will.” I managed to mumble. “You’ll be at least thirty.” Five stared into her glass of soda. “No. You’re going to have twin girls really, really soon. And then you’ll get married.” Could Five be psychic? Surely she doesn’t know… right? I tried to take her fairy wand away, just in case, but she had a firm grip on it. I was becoming weak so I leaned against the wall. Cool-guy’s smile had become a thin straight line. These girls had found our kryptonite and were slowly killing us as the soccer party around us kicked up another notch. “Yup.” Four agreed. “Then you’ll get married and your twin girls can be IN the wedding.” “Yup.” Five said. “And the girls can come to our parties. It will be really fun, you know.” Cool-guy turned to me. His face was ashen. He searched my face imploring me to make them stop this horrible beating. Sure. People had teased us before, but this had gone entirely too far. I mustered up all of my strength, opened my eyes all the way and leaned forward and said, “Game over.” Before I fell back against the wall. Wanna try another column? How about #157: Before Santa Comes which is about our Christmas Eve party. or Click here to go to Current Columns to pick another column. Or perhaps you would like to go to Column Finder by Subject to choose your next column about dating, or epilepsy or friends... you choose! Don't miss out! Sign up to receive a free copy of Holly's column via e-mail each week. (All e-mail addresses are private... NEVER, EVER shared.) Or send a blank e-mail to Holly@livingthelifeofholly.com Subject: Subscribe Me. Comment on this column in The Forum Or Send Holly your comments. Tell her what you really think! Your comments might be published on her website, or in her weekly Yahoo Group e-mail. 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