Living the Life of Holly
By Holly Winter
Princess Camping
“Man.” He smiled ever so happily. “It
doesn’t get any better than this.”
“ You know it!” Lanie said.
“ This’s going to be great!” I cheered. I couldn’t
believe that our friend’s husband had agreed to come along on our
mountain camping trip to scare away the bears. Um. Were we lucky or what?
“ I’m so pleased you’re coming with us, honey.”
His wife said, planting a kiss on his cheek.
“ It’s a dream come true.” He sighed. “Me alone
with three beautiful women. One of them my wife, and the other two her
good friends. What could be better?”
We laughed.
“ By the end of the weekend I might choose a replacement.”
He joked as he finished packing the car.
“ No problem.” Wife laughed. “Choose away. I’m
sure you’ll make the right decision. My single friends would never
do your laundry.”
I lost my smile. “You DO his laundry?”
“ You mean you drop off his dry cleaning, right?” Lanie asked.
We waved goodbye to husband as we left him to drive the camping gear in
the big car.
“ This’ll be good for him.” Wife said as we climbed
into the smaller car. “He doesn’t get to spend enough time
with me and my friends.”
We arrived at the campground in record time. Lanie and I spent a lot of
time rearranging our stuff before we approached Husband.
“ We don’t know how to put up our tent.”
He laughed. “No problem. Wife and I will put up the tents. You can
help.”
“ Great.” We said, enthusiastically.
“ Here.” Husband said. “Pound these stakes into the
ground.”
“ With what?” I asked.
“ Your foot.”
Ok. Was he kidding? I mean. Do you really use your foot to push stakes
into the ground, or was he suggesting that so that he could whip out a
video camera and record me being gullible? Just in case, I dug little
holes with my fingers and pushed the stakes into the ground with my hands.
Oh. Sure. I broke a nail or two, but that was ok. I mean. I was camping,
right?
Lanie and I got to work adding the bare necessities to our tent. A big
fluffy air mattress. Pillows. Sleeping bags. Suitcases. Makeup bags. Food
in case we got hungry. Water bottles. Extra shoes to walk to the bathroom.
Jackets in case it got cold.
“ Ah. Yes. Princess camping.” Husband laughed, surveying our
efforts. “Never seen anyone do it better. Bravo.”
“ Thanks.” We laughed.
Husband and wife each unloaded a sleeping bag into their tent. Nothing
more.
“ What time are you setting your alarm to wake up?” Husband
asked.
Lanie and I looked at each other. I shook my head back and forth.
“ Could you wake us up?” Lanie asked.
“ Sure thing. How many flashlights do you have?” He asked.
Lanie and I looked at each other. She shook her head back and forth.
“ Um. None.” I confessed. “But the glow from that faraway
streetlight will be plenty.”
“ Nonsense!” Husband said, good naturedly. “Use mine!
We have lots.”
Lanie and I walked to the office to buy firewood. I had no idea why the
campground owner burst into mad laughter when he saw us.
“ What can I do for you?” He asked in-between outbursts.
“ We need firewood.”
He laughed again. “Really? How much?”
“ Hmmm.” We looked at each other.
“ Enough for a fire.” Lanie said, matter of factly.
He laughed some more, collected five dollars and led us out to the wood
pile. Why was he still laughing? He patiently loaded our arms with log
after log.
“ I don’t think we need this much.” I said, staggering
under the weight of a whole forest of dead trees. Um. Were they having
a sale?
“ Yeah.” Lanie agreed peering over her own set of branches.
“We’re going to be going to sleep soon.”
“ Leave what you can’t use for the next campers.” The
owner giggled.
The walk back to the campsite was long. My arms kept trying to give out.
My light blue, designer fleece jacket was tearing from the wood.
“ I’m getting dirty.” I said.
“ Me too.”
“ We should dump some of this wood into the woods. Nobody would
ever know. My arms hurt.”
“ We’re almost there.” She moaned.
Lanie proved to be a master fire starter. She had an impressive fire roaring
in minutes. Now. Many people sit around campfires and tell scary stories.
Um. No. Not my friends. We watched the dancing flames and told our best
travel adventures.
“ He made me sleep ON the glacier. No tent.”
Husband laughed. “Yeah. We forgot the tent. Man. That was a cold
night.”
Lanie told of her trip to Honduras where she and a group of humanitarians
brought supplies to desolate orphanages. I talked about sleeping in the
private Alaskan castle and cooking fresh Salmon over a campfire.
The next morning Lanie and I walked to the bathroom. We had a little competition
to see if I could shower faster than she could apply makeup. I won. We
wandered back down to the camp, or what was left of it. Um. Our tents
were gone. And.
Husband and wife didn’t seem the least bit upset about it.
“ Holly, you showered?” Husband asked.
“ Lanie, you put on makeup?” Wife noticed.
We nodded, sheepishly. Oh. Man. Had they taken down our tent? That’s
the problem with camping. Nothing’s permanent. Now we didn’t
have a place to change into our clean clothes. “Hey. If you don’t
mind, I’m going back up there to get dressed.” I said.
Husband. Poor Husband. “What’s wrong with what you’re
wearing? Why do you need makeup in the mountains? What kind of campers
are you?”
“ Bad campers?” I suggested.
“ Man. I had forgotten how lucky I am.” Husband said. “I
like having a real Wilderness Woman.” He gave Wife a one-armed-hug.
Wife smiled. “This camping’s easy. Last summer we backpacked
in, needed mosquito netting and had to watch out for bears. That was a
lot tougher.”
“ You know.” I said to husband as I tried to dig some of the
dirt out from under my fingernails. (Guess my fast shower wasn’t
terribly effective.) “You’re right to keep her. She’s
about as close to perfect as any man could ever find.”
“ Yeah.” Lanie agreed. “She’s the best.”
We waved good-bye as Husband and Wife drove off leaving us to have our
last day to enjoy the mountains alone.
“ You know.” I said. “We ought to rent ourselves out
to married couples. So they can remember how lucky they are to have each
other.”
“ We could go along on their camping trips.” Lanie giggled.
“ Yeah. We might look good up here. But. Girl. We’re useless.”
As we hiked back to the bathroom to get ready for our day, we passed a
silent husband and wife team taking down their
tent. The man stood gazing after us.
“ We might be useless up here.” Lanie said. “But I love
the mountains. And. We’d never make it if we tried Princess Camping
alone.”
“ Girl. You are so right.” I said, smiling at the man. “And.
Just think about how many men would love and appreciate their wives even
more by the time we were done with them.
Wanna try another column? How about #150
Ready, Set, Light, which is about Holly playing with matches.
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Copyright © 2003 by Holly Winter
www.livingthelifeofholly.com
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